


The cursed books of poetry

by herumtreiber



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Haiku, Humor, Limericks, M/M, Plot Twist, Poetry, Slash, Smut, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-16
Updated: 2012-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-05 11:58:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herumtreiber/pseuds/herumtreiber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Auror Harry wants romance, curse-breaker Draco wants to please him. Hermione and Luna want... something else</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The cursed book of haikus

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns them, not me. This is for mischief's sake, not profit.  
> Notes: For National Poetry month and the plot bunny that wouldn't quit.

 

"So, how are things with Malfoy?" Hermione took a sip from her cup of tea, looking sharply at her best friend.

"Reckon they're fine." Harry shrugged and looked at his watch. "I've a few more minutes before I have to leave for the Auror conference."

"You don't seem… enthusiastic." She fiddled with her quill, finally putting it upon the parchment. She would modify her work schedule later. "Is the sex not satisfactory?"

Harry blushed and hid behind the menu, mumbling, "It's great. His job as curse-breaker keeps him busy though. I wish we had more time for romance! I want Draco to woo me with words."

Hermione cocked her eyebrow at him. "And he doesn't?"

"He's sarcastic and gruff." Harry smiled briefly. "I do like him just like that. It's just that... I want romance once in a while you know."

Harry saw a flash of bright green beyond the tablecloth of the table on the corner. He shook his head; it must have been a house-elf on some errand. Luckily Hermione hadn't seen or she would start bemoaning the fate of the elves. 

He studied intently the menu and thus missed Hermione's calculating gaze directed at that table. The brunette had noticed, and the particular shade of green she'd seen brought to her mind memories from the Quidditch World Cup.

\--

"You're so tight, Harry." Draco said hoarsely, pumping his hips into Harry's slick heat. 

Harry groaned as he wrapped his arms around Draco's back. His nostrils flared as he smelt the mix of Floo powder and old parchment which meant Draco had just come back from Gringotts. He sneaked a hand between their torsos to touch his cock, because the rubbing motions of his cockhead against Draco's flat abdomen whilst they shagged just weren't enough. 

Harry swivelled his hips to impale himself on Draco's cock, seeking the moment when the prick rubbed against his sweet spot on the way out. Harry grunted, his body clenching hungrily around the thick girth.

"That's it, Harry, squeeze me like that." Draco bit lightly Harry's earlobe, his hand twisting his right nipple. "You're so wet and hot for me, aren't you?"

Harry didn't answer. Instead he lifted his legs and hooked his ankles around Draco's shoulders, moaning at the deeper penetration allowed by the new angle. His walls wickedly tried to hang onto Draco's prick on the way out of his slicked channel. 

Draco bit his neck just below his right ear, the spot that always elicited a groan from Harry.

He started fisting his cock desperately. Draco had been teasing him for a long time.  First he had put Harry on all fours and licked a path to his entrance, teasing it with his tongue which swirled around his entrance until it was sopping wet, gleaming with saliva. He had prepared him carefully, too slowly for Harry.  One and then two fingers, scissoring inside him and rubbing his prostate teasingly until Harry begged him to enter him.

Harry was desperate. He felt they had been fucking for hours but in reality it was quite less.  He squinted at the fuzzy image of the blond above him, the pale forehead shining with sweat and his blond hair gleaming by the candlelight. They had slowly moved towards the upholstered headboard as they shagged. Harry felt the soft fabric rubbing against his sweaty hair. 

Harry's fingers toyed with Draco's pert nipples whilst he fisted his cock with his other hand. He shouted when he was overcome by his orgasm, his seed pooling around his navel whilst he clenched hard around Draco's length. The blond climaxed after a few seconds, overcome by the hot tightness that squeezed his prick like a vise.

Draco said after they uncoupled, "You're always open and so tight, Harry."

Harry exhaled through his teeth as he searched for his glasses on the night table. 

Yawning tiredly as he basked in Harry's warmth cuddling against his shoulder, Draco muttered, "Love you, Potter."

Harry was disappointed by Draco's quite succinct declaration.

\--

"Malfoy, you take the study." Bill Weasley pointed at the oak door, behind which lay Mr. Lambrick's office. 

The tall redhead's earring glinted in the sunlight as he walked away, calling over his shoulder, "Remember, his widow told us there are cursed books in there."

"I know, Weasley, I know," mumbled Draco crossly as he opened the door. He gazed around at the shelves full of old leather books whose scent brought to his mind the library at the Manor. 

From the corner of his eyes, Draco noticed a movement. He shook his head, thinking that Weasley should have told him there were house-elves around.

Draco took out his wand and cast a spell which detected Dark Magic. Satisfied with the results, he levitated the books and directed them towards the desk. The tomes fell with a soft plopping sound.

He narrowed his eyes at a slim volume which was decorated with rich inlaid gold letters. He sauntered towards the shelf and studied the cover, reading aloud the title, _"Haikus for all seasons, by Nikito Nipongo."_

Shrugging, Draco opened it and leafed through the pages.  He hoped to find some good poetry to recite to Harry. His fiancé often hinted he wanted more romance in their lives and this just might give Draco some pointers.

Draco ruffled through the book. Before he could read anything though, a red beam shot from the yellowed pages. It was so bright Draco was blinded for a few seconds.

Bedazzled, Draco felt Bill shaking his shoulders. "Oi, Malfoy! Are you all right? Saw a flash and came back to see what happened."

The blond rubbed his eyes and turned to look at Bill. The earring caught his attention. He said, 

_ "The slim fang dangles,  
stark contrast against your mane,  
bedazzles my eyes." _

Bill frowned and crossed his arms. "What's going on, Malfoy? Are you taking the mickey?"

Bill noticed a thin book lying on the floor. He bent down to pick it up but Draco held his arm, saying, 

_ "The golden words lie,  
content black as evil night,  
curses lie within." _

Bill's eyes widened. He took out his wand and cast a shield around the book, levitating it until he dropped it inside a metal box.

He had heard of cursed books which forced the unwary reader to spout limericks or poetry for the rest of their lives. It seemed Draco had fallen to this type of curse.

"Wait," said Bill urgently. "I'm going to call Harry. I'm sure he'll be able to help!"

Without waiting to hear another haiku from Draco, Bill dashed out of the room and eagerly went to Floo Harry.  

Draco impatiently tapped his left foot against the dusty wooden floor. Harry dashed into the study a few minutes later. The Auror's hair was dishevelled and he was breathing rapidly. Grabbing Draco by his shoulders, Harry looked intently at him, his green eyes darkened with worry.

"Draco, how are you feeling? Bill told me what happened. Had to rush out of a conference with the Head Auror, the man will be quite mad by now!"

Draco sighed and reached his hand to ruffle tenderly Harry's hair. He drawled, 

_ "The Auror's tousled hair,  
dark porcupine's loving quills,  
immune to the brush." _

"What?" groaned Harry, his eyes wide as saucers.

He staggered back when Draco smiled at him and said,

_ "Eyes colour of grass,  
wide with wonder and worry,  
comfort of my soul." _

Harry's heart was dancing the tango in his chest. He had to do something

\--

"So that's what happened," Harry said softly, his hands nervously rubbing his knees.

"Draco speaks only in haikus?" Hermione muttered whilst she wrote down on the parchment, peering up at her friend's worried face. "Can't be that bad, can it?"

"Are you taking the piss?" growled Harry. He lifted his hands, "Sorry, Mione. It's just that… Draco's job at Gringotts is temporary you know. He wants to become an Auror!"

"So?"

Harry glared at her and tapped his fingers against her desk. "Hello? He can't be an Auror like this." He said exasperatedly, "He could only cast spells that have 5 or 7 syllables!"

"Expelliarmus," said Harry whilst counting off on his fingers, "has five syllables. That's about all he could cast. He can't defend himself! Besides he'd have to recite the other lines. The Dark wizards would curse him easily."

"I see," said Hermione shortly.

"You've got to help us!" Harry said vehemently.

"But I thought you wanted poetry in your life."

Harry said through clenched teeth, "Not like this. It's also affecting our love life."

Hermione sat up straight on her chair, hurriedly pushing aside the parchment. She leaned her elbows on the polished wood and looked sharply at Harry. "Exactly how?"

Before Harry could answer, he heard someone coming through the chimney. 

"Anybody home?" said Luna Lovegood. She opened the door to the office. "Hermione, I came to return the…"

Luna's eyes widened in surprise when she saw him. "What happened, Harry? It seems as if you've just seen a wet, pregnant Snorkack."

Harry shrugged and told Luna about his plight, trusting that between the three of them they might find a solution. If his best friend failed using her logic, Luna might glean some information from her strange animals.

Luna nodded several times during Harry's explanation as she fingered her blueberry necklace. The brunet jumped back in surprise when she took out her wand and made a stabbing motion towards his ear. Luna smiled enigmatically.  

"Sorry, you had a nargle infestation." She tucked her wand behind her ear, exchanging a significant glance with Hermione.

"I might have a handle on your problem," said Hermione finally.

"You do? That'd be great!" Harry beamed at her.

"I reckon I need to study it from all possible angles." Hermione stood up and walked towards the wall, gazing intently at the books on her shelves until she picked up a heavy tome, chosen apparently at random.

"What do you need?" Harry frowned; Hermione might need a book from the Forbidden Section or perhaps a potion ingredient.

"I need to see the curse in action when Draco is at his most intimate."

"Wait!" Harry blushed and held up his hands. "You don't mean to say—"

"Exactly," said Hermione a bit shrilly. "I need to watch you two when you're making love, to study the kind of haikus Draco composes at that precise moment."

"Said something about my thighs," mumbled Harry. His ears were as red as ripe tomatoes. "Do you expect me to smuggle you into our closet so you can watch us make love? Draco would kill me, after composing the appropriate haiku."

"We don't have to," said Luna in a singsong voice.

"We?" Harry shivered when he noticed the determined glint in Luna's grey eyes.

"Hermione obviously needs help to catch the nuances of the poem," said Luna dreamily.

The brunette nodded her assent whilst Luna continued, "You could simply supply us with a memory. I trust that won't be too intrusive."

Harry fidgeted in his chair. He needed the help of the witches because Draco couldn't even cast spells to clean the house! It looked rather like a pigsty, what with Harry being away on Auror duty and Draco devouring book after book as he tried to find a counterspell. Besides, he sorely missed Draco's dirty talk. Poetry just didn't convey the naughty flavour Harry craved.

"All right, all right!" he growled. "You have a Pensieve?"

"Actually I brought home the one we use at the office." Hermione eagerly took out her wand. _"Accio Pensieve!"_

__

__

\--

Hermione fanned herself with her parchment. The scene in front of her and Luna was unbelievable hot. The soft candlelight fell on the lovers entwined in the bed. Harry's powerful thighs flexed as he bounced up and down on Draco's thick girth. On the downward thrusts, when Draco was completely sheathed inside his lover's body, Harry whimpered and slowly rolled his hips in a circle, his arousal jerking around and shining with precome. Pale hands held his inner thighs, contrasting sharply with the tanned skin. The moaning from the two lovers was a constant staccato made up of short and breathy sounds. The sheen of sweat on Harry's chest lent him the appearance of a wanton merman.

Hermione was startled when Luna pulled on the sleeve of her cardigan. The two walked towards the foot of the bed and simultaneously whimpered when they saw Harry's rim pulsing angrily as the pale prick slid in and out of his body. On the outward thrusts, Harry's entrance twitched as if trying to hold onto the shaft. The two women held their breath when Draco's cockhead slipped completely out of Harry for a few seconds. They stared mesmerised at the gaping entrance which started to close before the prick slid inside once more.

"That's so hot!" Hermione bit her lips, trying futilely to hold back her moans.  

"Should've brought the Omnioculars," whispered Luna whilst she gripped Hermione's arm so tightly, her knuckles were white.  

The two men continued shagging. Harry's hand was a blur as he fisted his cock whilst he rode Draco as if he was atop a hippogriff out of control. 

Draco looked up at Harry, his grey eyes darkened with lust. He rubbed Harry's sweaty chest as he drawled,

_ "Your strong thighs glimmer,  
clutching my body tightly,  
gripped inside and out." _

Hermione noticed Harry's grimace of disappointment. Meanwhile, Luna was clapping enthusiastically, cocking her head and smiling appreciatively. "Excellent haiku! It captures the poetry of the moment!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, idly noting that the waving parchment failed to cool her blushing cheeks in the Pensieve environment. She pointed at the coupled men. "I'd say the poetry pales next to the hot action!"

The room dissolved in black smoke as the women left the erotic memory.

\--

"I'll get to work on this right away." Hermione patted consolingly Harry's shoulder. "Your memory provided us with juicy... insights."

Harry evaded her gaze, shuffling his dragonhide boots on the floor. "You reckon?"

"I'm sure I'll have an answer very soon."Hermione pointed at her desk, where Luna was squinting at one of her rune books which she held upside down. "Luna will help me and we'll find the cure. Don't worry."

"If you say so," mumbled Harry disconsolately as he walked towards the door.

Once he had left, Luna peered up at Hermione, laying the book on the desk. "I hope you know that Harry—"

"Intends to Obliviate us once we've helped him?" Hermione smiled craftily. "Let him try. I have just the counterspell for that."

Hermione looked at her watch and grabbed her leather bag. "Have to go. I think I know why Malfoy acts like that. He wasn't cursed at all. It was a leprechaun playing a prank. I noticed him; he was concealed when Harry said he'd like more romance in his life."

She walked towards the door, balling her fists. "I'll wring that leprechaun's scrawny neck until he reverses his prank!"

Luna picked a potions book and reclined comfortably on Hermione's chair. "Just go easy on Mr. O'Malley, will you?"

"O'Malley?" said Hermione wonderingly.

"Yep, the leprechaun told me his name, Bad Tipper O'Malley."

Hermione whirled to confront the snowy-haired witch. "You know him?"

"Sure do," said Luna whilst she squinted at the pages on the book, holding it at arm's length. "I might have given Mr. O'Malley the idea for his prank. Harry was always moping around, saying he needed romance in his life."

Hermione clutched her chest. She narrowed her eyes at Luna and said reluctantly, "That was really smart!"

"Yep, gave us the opportunity to watch the boys at play."

Hermione went out the room and closed the door softly, muttering to herself, "After Draco speaks normally, I'll have to convince O'Malley to pull a different prank on Harry. Limericks ought to do nicely." 

She rubbed her hands gleefully. "I want to see them shagging, this time from Draco's perspective!"

 

 

 


	2. The cursed comics of Limericks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione and Luna plot to get more juicy memories. Will they succeed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning** for smut and dirty limericks.  
>  This is for enchanted_jae's birthday. The prompts were: lick, sand, floor, socks.

 

 

Harry took a sip of his morning coffee, staring intently at Draco's gleaming blond hair. His fiancé was scribbling a list on the yellowed parchment where he kept track of the curses for his Gringotts work.

"The sun makes your hair glint like… wet gold," Harry hinted in a wistful voice. He hoped the remark would strike a spark in Draco's latent poetic soul, shown so beautifully in the haikus he was forced to compose under that curse.

"What?" Draco looked up and stared at Harry with eyes as grey as the cloudy sky over London. He bent down to write on the parchment, mumbling to himself, "Iambic pentameter!"

Harry lifted his glasses, which were smudged with greasy fingerprints, a by-product of his breakfast sausages. "What are you writing? Sounds like a counter-course about a devil trapped in a pentagram?"

"What are you on about, Harry?" Draco wiggled his eyebrows in that enticing way of his which made Harry's cock throb. The Auror pointed to the parchment whilst he took another sip of his coffee.

"Oh, this is a list I'm making." Draco took a deep breath and fingered the silver amulet which hung from his necklace. "All types of verses are here. I'm on the lookout for them; won't be fooled again."

"Oh, that's clever," Harry said, frowning at the necklace. He pointed at it with his steaming cup. "I reckoned with the heirloom Narcissa sent you, you'd be protected?"

With a flourish, Draco signed his name to the bottom of the list and pushed the crisp parchment towards Harry, shooting him a devilish grin. "This is for you, Potter. Be very careful of the books you read! I don't want you spouting haikus. They'd be awful, you know."

Draco said in a singsong voice, ignoring Harry's thunderous scowl. "Your hair is like wet gold, and so on…"

Harry grabbed the parchment and stowed it inside his robes before setting down his cup on the table. The motion was so violent that the liquid inside sloshed in the cup and spilt over, leaving a growing stain upon Narcissa's pristine tablecloth. Before he Apparated to work, Harry smirked at the flustered blond _. Serves him right, the non-poetic prat!_

\--

Hermione stood in front of Slug and Jiggers Apothecary, trying not to stare at the passers-by. The glasses Luna had lent her had some kind of x-rays, and frankly Hermione was tired of staring at flabby bodies. She squirmed in her robes, remembering the vision of intertwined tanned and pale limbs which she and Luna had been privy to.

"Finally managed to convince Mr. O'Malley." Luna skipped on the cobblestones towards her voyeuristic accomplice whilst Hermione frowned at her.

"Bad Tipper will tip the scales in our favour, so to speak," said Luna dreamily as Hermione tugged the sleeve of her bright green robes.

"Luna, your hair is a mess!" She scowled at the multicoloured strands of stringy hair falling down Luna's shoulder.

"Well, Mr. O'Malley saved me the trouble of dying it myself." Luna twirled a magenta strand between her pale fingers, looking at it sharply. "It will provide perfect camouflage for when Rolf and I watch the _zumallabies_. Besides, it got us the leprechaun's help."

Meanwhile, Draco was staring at the Floo, waiting for his partner, Bill Weasley, to call him. He needed an ingredient to complete a particularly difficult potion that should prove useful in creating a shield around the newest curses. Tapping the wooden floor with the heel of his dragonhide boot, the blond scowled at the chimney until a vague green outline appeared.

"Malfoy, you there?"

"Sure, Weasley!"

"Couldn't go to Diagon Alley myself; Fleur needed help with Vicky. I asked Ron to fetch the lacewing and the other stuff."

\--

Probus Warwick, the manager of The Ministry Press, stared fearfully at the wall of books in front of him. He cringed, mistaking the sound of Apparition for that of falling tomes.

"We're here, Mr Warwick." Harry pointed at Ron and then at himself. "You reported a Dark wizard?"

"It's the only way I can explain that, gentlemen." The balding man pointed at the shelves, laden with Ministry books, which bulged as if a giant heart was pulsing behind them. "Everything was perfectly all right until half an hour ago."

"We'll take it from here, sir." Ron took out his wand and cast spells to detect Dark Magic whilst Harry did the same a few yards to his left. Turning to look at his best friend, Ron noticed Harry's murderous expression. "I told Malfoy and he was just as angry, mate."

"Thanks, Ron." Having detected nothing, Harry poked the books with the tip of his wand as he read Draco's list.

" _The book of Amphibrachial zoology_?" said Harry tentatively. Gazing down at the parchment, he noticed a similar name in the list of his fiancé, and steered away from the tome.

Meanwhile, from beneath the desk, Mr O'Malley glared at the two Aurors and bemoaned the difficulty they posed for his prank.

Ron peered at a gaily decorated book. "Mate, it says here _'The Molossus of Rhodes, a mythology compendium.'"_

Glancing at the parchment, Harry shouted, "Stay away!"

"Fine, Harry."

In despair, O'Malley the leprechaun recalled the time he'd spent watching Muggle kids in kindergarten and waved his hand at the shelf nearest Harry.

The brunet noticed a tome, almost as slim as Dudley's comic books. Lifting his eyeglasses with the back of his hand, he leant down and read aloud the name, _"Comics of Limericks, illustrated story of superheroes by Cormac O'Hara."_

Shrugging, Harry recalled the many times Dudley had hidden his prized Little Lulu and Superman vintage comics from him. Seeing that there was no trace of Dark Magic, the Auror stowed his wand inside his robes and took the tome from the shelf.

Opening it at a random page, Harry squinted at the tiny figures until he was enveloped in a bright orange glow, the shade not unlike Ron's hair.

"Mate, are you all right?" Ron dashed towards Harry, hastily casting diagnostic spells at him. "Blimey, Malfoy'll kill me! Merlin knows he has reason enough to be angry!"

Mr Warwick approached the two young Aurors, holding a bottle of Firewhiskey. He poured a glass and handed it to Ron, motioning with his head towards Harry.

"Thanks, Mr Warwick," said the redhead and gulped it down.

Harry stared at the hall filled with shelves as if he was just coming to, and said loudly,

_there was a young wizard of Warwick  
who stared greedily at yonder prick  
he was planning his move  
how to get back his groove  
ended on his knees ready to lick_

"Mate, that's brilliant!" Ron said, making a mental note to write down the verse. It would surely help to quench Hermione's thirst for new learning.

Mr Warwick blanched and stumbled backwards; he wiped his shiny pate, wondering how Mr Potter had found out about his secret past. Apparently the powers of the Boy-Who-Lived were limitless!

Bad Tipper O'Malley heaved a satisfied sigh and vanished, ready to collect the precious _zumallabies_ feathers the multicoloured girl had promised him in exchange for this deed.

\--

Having been advised by Luna of the success of their plans, Hermione stood near the threshold of the office next to Shacklebolt. She had cast a spell that allowed her to hear what was happening inside.

In his office, Kingsley Shacklebolt glared at his two prized Aurors; the sun glinting menacingly off his golden earring. He boomed at them, "Potter and Weasley, what have you to say for yourselves?"

"Sir, Harry has no control over what he says." Ron respectfully pointed out.

"Potter, I'll let you know that your little limerick made Mrs Blunt burst into tears!" Despite his harsh tone, Shacklebolt was trying hard not to laugh. It wasn't lost on either Harry or Ron, but Hermione's spell could not convey the joviality of the Minister of Magic.

Harry crossed his arms and stared defiantly at Shacklebolt, determined not to open his mouth.

"Well, Adrian Pucey presented his resignation this morning, gentlemen." Shacklebolt steepled his fingers. "After Potter's little rejoinder, his colleagues gave him a hard time."

"Serves the Slytherin prat right!" muttered Ron.

"Weasley, what did you say?" Shacklebolt cocked his eyebrow at Ron.

Ron hurriedly mumbled, "Sir, I was saying that with Harry's vast knowledge of places, we could use him as a walking Atlas!"

From behind the wall, Hermione gasped and clutched her robes.

"You might have a point, Weasley." The Minister took out from the pocket of his robes a Time-Turner and hoisted it up. He said wistfully, "Nowadays young people hardly know this land. Wish it could be that simple to turn back the sands of time."

Harry sat up and immediately piped up,

_there was an Auror from Holyhead  
he surely was swift at giving head  
like castles built on sand  
his taste soon got him banned  
ended up at a brothel instead_

"Potter!" roared Shacklebolt, shaking his fist at Harry. "How did you ever find out about young Mr Ashwin! That's classified information!"

"Told you, sir," Ron said proudly. "Harry is now a mix of Trelawny and the Atlas!"

Hermione cringed, and hastily ended her spell when the noises from Shacklebolt's office appeared to indicate he was throwing hexes at Ron and Harry. Shaken, the witch took out the coin she used to communicate with Luna whilst she mumbled, "Malfoy had better put a stop to this by supplying us with juicy memories!"

\--

Harry closed the door of the office, not before winking at Shacklebolt, who mouthed the words, _'You owe me, Potter!'_

As he turned to walk to the lift, Harry bumped against Hermione. The witch let go of her charmed Galleon.

"Mione, your money is on the floor!" Ron said as he bent down and picked up the coin.

Harry smiled evilly at his best friend, and then he said,

_there was a pretty witch from Caistor  
she always complained of being sore  
her cousin followed her  
heard the strangest purr  
found her spread with her back on the floor_

Despite her grimace of distaste, Hermione carefully made note of the limerick, deciding to find out who was this witch from Caistor. Perhaps a Slytherin?

\--

"Malfoy, you've got to help Harry!" said Hermione urgently whilst she glared at Draco, who was lounging in his office in Gringotts.

"Why should I?" drawled Draco

Hermione spluttered, "The limericks!"

"I find them quite entertaining and inspiring!" said Draco as he buffed his nails on his lapels.

"But, Harry is getting in trouble with Shacklebolt and the other Aurors!" Hermione could not believe this. She had thought that Malfoy would pony up the memory just as easily as Harry had. She was working under pressure because she didn't want Harry to blurt out what she and Ron got up to nowadays.

"Those humourless Aurors could use some fun!"

"But Draco!" whined Hermione.

"Harry's limericks are quite useful, Granger," said Draco and pointed at a sheaf of parchments on his desk. "I'm planning on keeping them."

"For blackmail!" Hermione didn't care if she sounded a bit shrill; this was rapidly becoming a nightmare.

"For research, I'm taking a leaf of your book."

"But it would be so easy to heal Harry," Hermione said, disappointment tingeing her voice. "All I need is a memory of the moment when you two are making love."

"Why precisely at that time?" drawled Draco.

Hermione shuddered, noting a menacing glint in his eyes which made them seem a lethal shade of cobalt. "Because they are limericks, by nature they are sexual. That ought to give me the key!"

"Fine, Granger. Hold your hippogriffs!" Draco said. "I'll give you an intimate memory if you and Lovegood give me one of yours."

"What?" Hermione clutched the lapels of her robes, astounded at Draco's effrontery.

"Tit for tat," said Draco sharply.

"But why Luna?"

"You are so chummy with her; it should be easy to convince Lovegood." Draco patted the sheaf of parchments and mumbled, "Harry should spout ten new limericks today."

Knowing she was defeated, Hermione sighed resignedly. "Fine, I'll do it, Malfoy."

Draco took out his wand and gracefully plucked out a memory whose strands shined bright silver against his pale brow. He drawled, "I'll give it to you as soon as I get your memories."

\--

"Why are you so sad, Hermione?" said Luna as she put the bottle of butterbeer in front of her friend. "You look as if your pet Snorkack had gotten conjunctivitis!"

"What?" Hermione looked dazedly at Luna, noting idly that her hair was her usual snowy shade. That reminded her of Malfoy and she balled her fists. "It's Draco! Aren't you outraged we had to give him our memories?"

"Well," said Luna dreamily. "Maybe he and Harry will learn new positions which we'll obtain memories of.  Rolf and I just practiced the reverse hippogirl."

"The reverse what?" Hermione said wonderingly; she blushed and brushed aside Luna's answer. "Don't tell me!"

"As you wish." Luna sat primly on the couch and stared hungrily at the Pensieve which held Draco's memory. Eyeing Hermione sideways, she whispered huskily, "Ready?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes as she leant forward. "Let's see!"

\--

Harry's tee was pulled up high, exposing his treasure trail which glistened in the candlelight. His cock was throbbing, the purple head shining with precome.

Luna clutched Hermione's arm as the two witches eyed each other, silently asking the question, _'Where was Draco?'_

Harry moaned and squirmed on the bed, his legs spread wide so that it seemed he was pleasuring himself with a dildo. He would push against an invisible barrier as his cock jerked up and down. Hermione frowned, it appeared he was casting a spell to wank himself whilst he used the sex toy.

The two girls walked towards the foot of the bed, wanting to obtain a better angle. Hermione looked sharply at Harry's cock. It was vibrating as if it was being squeezed by something.

"Harry, you're so tight!" Draco's muffled voice came out of nowhere and the witches flinched, looking around the darkened room for the blond, but he was nowhere to be seen. "Come on; clench your tanned arse around my cock!"

Harry groaned; his forehead covered in sweat, he laid his hands on an invisible body above him and, between groans, said hoarsely,

_there was a young wizard from Surrey  
who wanted his man in a hurry  
loved to be speared on cocks  
just as much as his socks  
he and Dray had nary a worry_

The witches gasped as they saw Harry's swollen entrance. It was spread wide open; the pink rim fluttering angrily around something that was rubbing his insides most deliciously, judging from Harry's harsh moaning.

Luna pointed at Harry's socks which were a bright scarlet colour; the ends curving as Harry curled his toes whilst he came with a shout.

Hermione gazed down and noticed a pair of green socks, shuffling on the floor. Her eyes wide as chocolate doughnuts, she said in an awed whisper, "Draco is shagging him under the Invisibility Cloak!"

Pale skin appeared out of nowhere as the Cloak slid off Draco's slim shoulders. The contrast between the entwined bodies, shining with sweat in the dim candlelight, made the witches sigh appreciatively. That is, until the shapes on the bed changed.

Harry's brunet hair became clearer until it was a bright shade of red; unmistakable Weasley hair. His face and body acquired freckles whose shape Hermione knew only too well.

Luna held Hermione's arm like a vise, for the pale body of Draco became tanned and his slightly delineated muscles gained mass and turned ridged, his smooth pale face acquiring a weather-beaten look until Rolf Scamander stood poised above Ron Weasley.

The girls squeaked like startled albino peacocks and jumped out of the memory, upending the Pensieve and the bottles of butterbeer.

"What in Merlin's name?" shouted Hermione, eyeing disconsolately her sodden robes.

"That limerick was quite neat," opined Luna.

"But Ron and Rolf?"

Luna bit her lip, and said judiciously, "That ship will be difficult to name though, Roro isn't quite appealing!"

"WHAT?" shrieked Hermione.

\--

Draco handed Harry a cup laced with potion. "This ought to do the trick, Harry, though I must say I'll miss your limericks."

Harry glared at Draco whilst he sipped the tea, grimacing at the taste.

The blond fidgeted under Harry's heated scowl. "Of course I'd rather hear your usual dirty talk."

Harry smiled at his fiancé, who turned to their guest and bowed politely, "Thanks for the heads-up, Weasley, and your hair."

Ron paused from eating his sandwich, mumbling, "You're welcome, Malfoy. I was so angry when I heard the girls' plan!"

The redhead looked towards the door of the lab where Draco prepared his potions. "Lucky for you that Bill sent me to fetch the lacewings, and I was using Harry's Invisibility Cloak."

Draco reclined on the couch; he snuggled next to Harry, who petted his silky hair. "It was time to teach those voyeurs a lesson!"

Harry leaned down to smell the woodsy scent of Draco's shampoo. He said, "Reckon I must thank Kreacher, he was the one who got Scamander's hair and convinced the leprechaun to spill the beans."

Ron finished the sandwich and eyed the rest. "You're not going to eat them?"

"Help yourself, Ron," said Harry fondly whilst he looked around. "Wonder what's taking Kreacher so long. I want to see their Pensieve memories!"

The wizards waited expectantly for the elf to bring the Pensieve so the show could start.

 

 

 

 

 

  
  


 

 

 

 


End file.
